I want to hide myself between the covers of an old fairy tale book. My old fairy tale book. The universe of my childhood. The place where I dreamed, where I hoped, the place where I imagined, where I cried out of joy or sadness. The place where I imagined how love is, the place where I learned about the good and the bad and how to make a difference.
Today I want to escape the adult world and feel again that I am a child.
I want to feel carefree of worries and burdens, I want to feel light as a snow flake and serene as a warm summer day. I want to feel the innocence through all my skin pores. I want never to feel the pain of a loss. I want to feel what it’s like not picking pieces of my own broken heart from the floor and not knowing how to reassemble them…
I want to know how it feels to not lose yourself and not to recognize yourself when finding yourself again…
And if I’m asking for too much, then I just want to have been born in 1990 🙂
Today I want to put aside all thoughts that bothered me up until yesterday and feel for a few moments that I am a child.
I want to sit all day without having to care about anything. Without feeling sad, or worried or lost.
Today I wish I could run to my parents’ arms hoping that they will make me feel more like “home “. I want to feel safe. I want to feel that nothing and nobody can hurt me .I want to feel warmth and love. I want to feel that I am the most beautiful child.
Today, I smile and I feel like a child. Sweet, innocent… a dreamer. I am again the happy child. The one who didn’t get everything but who felt fulfilled with whatever she got.
Today I am the child with the most beautiful dreams. I am that energetic child who smiles incessantly.
Today, as in many other days of my life, I feel again a child, I am a big child who came out of an old fairy tale book and life hit me. And it hit so hard!! I am the child who was beaten and who defeated. The child who loved and lost. The one who will love and never lose. I am the child who loves her life with all it’s shortcomings and imperfections.
Today I want to forget that people lie, cheat, forget and hate. Today I want to let myself being loved without claiming it. Today I want the things and the happiness to come by themselves as it always happens in the happy ending stories. I want to love as if I was a novel character. Days, and weeks and years and half decades, without any selfishness or expectations. I want myself not to have a headache, a stomach ache or a soul ache, but only from too much happiness.
I want to love as hard as it can be, with tears, the pain of happiness, dreams, smiling, with my eyes closed, like a princess who has reached the end of the fairy tale, who succeeded to overcome all heavy attempts and now she begins to live happily ever after.
I want my eyes to tear instantly and my soul to crack of pain at the mere thought that one day he will not be here, with me, any longer.
I want to spend every second thinking how to make him fall in love again, to charm him forever.
I want to feel that my heart is cracking of happiness. I want to feel I do not deserve the luck to feel what I feel.
My child smile does not revenge. It makes you feel you are the strongest man, the moment you hold my hand.
Do not forget ….we will once meet again and we will recall the things we did when we were two kids… 🙂
With love,
ANA- MARIA SINTION
International Licensed Quantum Biofeedback Specialist
